For a long time, I was an on again, off again runner. Some of the off stretches were mighty long. Despite that, I always boomeranged. Back to running eventually. Throughout my pre-teen years and young adulthood, I’m not sure I’d have said that I chose running. Something compelled me, but I wasn’t in love. Not yet.
I guess that’s why it was so easy to stop. When I reflect on it, I can’t pick up a thread of why I’d start again. What was my why? In all my searching my memories, I find no clear answer. It felt like running chose me. I almost think of it like an old friend giving a gentle tap on my shoulder, saying It’s been a while… Try again.
I spent most of my late twenties and early thirties in a personal energy crisis—tired all the time. When I started running and racing regularly back in 2012, running solved that crisis, and then some. I found a rhythm with it. I learned to love running for the space it gave me, for the way I felt on those effortless days, then eventually even in the times when it felt hard. It gave purpose to my inner challenge-seeking ways. It made me feel alive. No more breaks and boomeranging. I didn’t give up on running anymore.
That I choose running dawned on me for the first time in a bad patch during one of my early races. I recall feeling sorry for myself that things weren’t going so well. Before my mid-race pity-party could spiral out of control, a voice in my head scolded me: Hey, you signed up for this!
There was power in acknowledging that. Proclaiming that this was a choice lifted me from those darker thoughts. It wasn’t a far leap from there to say, Not only is this a choice, it is a privilege to be out here. That mindset shift changed everything. It got me back in that race, and I’ve used those thoughts like a mantra so many times since when I’ve had a dip in confidence or a slump in training.
I choose this, I love this, I get to do this. Repeat as needed.
#WriteAsRun Prompt No. 5: I choose this because…
Most of us don’t HAVE to run. It’s something we choose. Why do you choose it? Does your run feel differently when you think of it as a choice?
October 31, 2020