The news that Boston was canceled was not a surprise. As the weeks wore on, I knew it was impossible to find a reasonable plan for keeping people safe with a field of that size. I started training anyway, with a just-in-case mindset. I was going to be running anyway, soooooo… why not?
I wasn’t as worried about my splits. Given the pandemic, I decide to take my time goals down a few notches. To keep myself motivated for a race I was pretty sure wouldn’t happen, I started thinking about it as a build-up toward something else, a longer race in late fall or winter, even early 2021.
This part kind of surprised me. After the IT 50, I didn’t think I’d want to do an ultra for a long while. I thought I’d want to push hard at marathons for whatever window I have left of fitness building. Yet I kept feeling a pull toward trails and softer surfaces and longer runs at easier paces. Many days (minus some wickedly hot, soul-sucking ones) I’ve wanted to keep running longer and longer, or to double up. When my husband mentioned he might want to run the Indiana Trail, that nudged me further down this path.
Since then, the IT race director froze registrations. Many more races have been canceled. Pretty much all of the plans I had for 2020 have fallen through. It started sinking in: after running 1-3 marathons every year since 2013, I probably won’t get in a single 26.2 this year. Unless I do a virtual race, which despite it not sounding super appealing, I might consider this fall. I’m still waiting to hear more about the Boston virtual option.
Now it’s hard to know where to place my focus. Keep going longer? Take a break while there’s nothing doing? Work on that sub-6:00 mile? God, that one still terrifies me, and I can’t imagine chasing this goal in this heat. I’d hoped to go for that after Boston, moving from peak marathon fitness to short speed in the cool fall weather.
For now, I’m resetting my expectations and trying to untether from the need to chase goals. Can’t I just run for the fun of it? The answer, so far, has been an overwhelming YES. But it’s kind of sad that I had to work to convince myself this for a bit there.
I guess this realization is one good thing to come of this. I don’t actually need a race to stay motivated anymore. I did once upon a time when I was still an inexperienced distance runner. But now I can stay motivated simply because I love this and I need to do this.
Instead of a plan with specific mileage on a specific day, I’m roughly planning on 50 miles per week. It’s been good to focus on joy, to have the freedom to decide day by day what kind of run sounds good. I know I’ll be glad when the races do return, but until then, I’ll be running for fun and looking at my watch a lot less.